Kill your ego

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

Assalamualaikum

Title: Kill your ego

Anger is from Satan and Satan is created from fire, and fire is extinguished by water; so if one of you becomes angry let him perform wudu' - Abu Dawood

Quoted by Ustaz Nouman Ali Khan in the video:

When a child snaps at their parents, you think there's tension, right? Okay. Go get slapped. Beg them, kiss their feet, and don't move until they kick you off. Beg them to forgive you. Kill your ego, when it comes to your parents. Kill your ego. Don't say to your parents: Let's not talk to each other anymore. Let your ego out of the way.

Your parents. They love you. Your mother gave birth to you. Your dad held you in his arms. There's love there. You have to crush your ego. Your parents don't. Don't expect it from them. It's a difficult journey. But look, this is a kind of jihad.
Wow.

When I dig deep within myself, I found that the thing I hate the most about myself is; being weak in controlling my eeman. All it takes is a little problem, a tiny eeny problem, and that is enough, to break my eeman into pieces. A problem like this, is enough to send my eeman rolling downhill. I am weak, really very weak.

I sometimes pray & I say: O Allah, please wait for me to change into becoming a better person; a better servant of Yours. But then again, how dare I ask Allah to wait fo rme to become a better person, as though I am the one who gets to decide when I want to die? My life could be taken away whenever He pleases.

I used to assure myself that the matters of Akhirah could wait. Taubat can wait. Death can wait. & Allah will wait. But well, I was a fool. Because like I've mentioned before in a previous entry; "I've been running around in circles, looking for an answer to fill this empty heart. But in the end, I found nothing. And that is why if we live in this Dunya with our hearts, it breaks us. That's why this Dunya hurts."

I would love to see my parents talking to each other again. I would die for anything to be able to see them smiling again. I want to sit at the dining table, and have dinner together with them. I want to joke around with my mum and dad over dinner, like how we used to. I want to help them love each other again. But I am only a child, and I have no say.

But this video, enlightened me. The whole message of this video; when it comes to your parents, kill your ego and lower unto them wings of humility. I can't help but to cry, towards at the end of the video. The recitation of that particular ayat in the Quran was just so spine-chilling. The ayats are from Surah Isra, ayat 23 onwards.

Okay, I shall kill my ego. I am facing a jihad. So, I just need to be more patient. InsyaAllah. =\

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age while with you, say not to them "ugh," and do not repel them. But speak to them a noble word. [ Surah Isra, ayat 23 ]