Lost

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful
Assalamualaikum

Title: I just got lucky

I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on Earth. Then I ask myself the same question. - Harun Yahya

This trip to Jakarta. I didn't take as much photos as before. I realised that when I am not busy meddling with my camera, I can observe what is around me better. So I took videos instead, lol. As if that would make that much of a difference! But unfortunately, throughout my nine day stay there, I only managed to take 2 videos because my video camera died on me not long after. I bought my charger along, but its a 3 pin one. Our hotel room did have a power socket, but it was a 2 pin one. So I lived without my handphone, camera, and video camera for 7 days straight. All of the 3 equipments could only last for 2 and half days. Sigh. Sometimes, I wished I had my own production team. And I will be the host!

And since this trip had a whole lot of purpose and intentions, I discovered myself better. There's a side to me that I never knew existed. And I'd just discovered that in this trip. I like walking through that Muslim village. Although it's dirty, with the weather so hot and humid, that didn't bother me one bit. I would walk through the village at around 7am in the morning, right after Subuh. The budak-budak kampung, will be making their way to school. With their hair uncombed, uniforms not ironed, dirty school shoes, but yet they could still look so happy as they made their way to school.

I wanted very much to follow them to school and take a tour around their school. The school building itself is an old one. Greyish in colour, and it's only about 2 storeys high. I wanted to go into their  classroom, look at their curriculum, and observe the the way their teachers teach. It would be so fun, wouldn't it? But I don't have the permission for that. Haha, so I could only look at the school from outside the school gate. I would've taken a few photographs; if only my camera didn't die. Sigh. And outside their school gate, there are sooo many aunties and uncles selling traditional food delicacies by the roadside. They have mie bakso, kraputek or kraputak( I forgot what it's called exactly, but it's something made from ketupat), maggie, some fried-food stuffs, and many other things.

Speaking about schools, and teachers, and education, it reminded me about my job interview with Darul Makmur tomorrow morning. They offered me the permanent weekend position as an aLIVE teacher, and I will be going for my first meeting with the Chairman on 7th January. This sounds too good to be true, and it does sound a little scary too. Plus, I will be sponsored to attend this teaching course with MUIS, which will be held for 3 months straight. Am I even ready for this? I can only hope for the best, and I know He will decide the rest.

& now, I'm having second thoughts about going for this job interview tomorrow. I mean, yes I will come for the interview definitely but there's just sooo many what ifs that's playing in my mind right now. As much as I try to push all these negative thoughts away, the fact that I am still schooling(full-time), bothers me a lot. Because I fear that I might not be able to balance between my work and my studies properly. And just yesterday, I received a text message from the Ustazah that they will be emailing me my teaching time-table schedule soon. I was like, huh what? I haven't even gone for the interview and they are emailing me my teaching time-table schedule already? I find it scary.

I'm only seventeeeeeen and I only have this littleeeee bit of experience about teaching. The colleagues whom I will be working with, are a lot more older than me and they're all probably graduates from Al-Azhar University. While here I am, a student from a full-time academic school, being offered the position as an aLIVE teacher at a mosque? Do I even stand a chance? I've got many friends from full-time madrasah schools and half of them are having a harddd time looking for a job as an asatizah. And I'm getting this position all so easily? What can I say about myself? Pure lucky? Oh I don't know. )=

Initially, I did relief teaching just purely for the fun of it. I just wanted to get a little bit of experience about teaching. But I never thought that I'd be offered a permanent job. My friends and family all think that I am lucky and that I should just grab this opportunity. A friend told me: Many people out there are going crazy looking for a job, but here you are, you didn't even apply for the job but yet, you are proposed to work together and be an asatizah there. Have you any idea how lucky you are Susu?

I don't.

But maaaaaaybe. Just maybe, I should concentrate on my studies first. I am not in a desperate position to get myself a job anyway. There are its pros and cons to this whole thing. Getting a reaaal job at 17 with a fixed pay and all that, wow I think I'll be rich by the time I hit 70, lol. I'll have a fixed income and I can start my own savings. I don't shop that much anyway and I can use a large sum of my savings to send my parents off for pilgrimage in a year or two! Wow, that'll be a dream come true man. But here comes the cons. I'll have to balance between my duniawi studies and my ukhrawi studies at the same time too. I'm not strong, I'm weak. I get distracted all too easily. And then, I don't know if I will be able to adapt to the working environment or not. Or if my colleagues will be able to accept me or not. Sheesh. This is soo hard.

Tell me, what should I do? Well I'll just have to go for the interview tomorrow and explain about my situation to the Ustazah. Uh, I'm so nervous. Make doa' for me okay! I don't mind if I don't get this job, but if I do, then I have tons of things to worry about. Allah ma'ak.