I'm Sorry

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful
Assalamualaikum

Title: I'm Sorry

I am in such a sorry state. I bring so much burden to people. Let's just say, I hate myself for that. I know it isn't appropriate for me to develop a feeling of hate for myself. But I feel bad, I feel terrible.

Dear dad, I'm sorry for causing all this mess. You were just worried for me & I know that you are concerned for me. I understand that dad, I really do. But daddy, this is my last module for Pergas. So please, please let me finish what I start. Even if it means for me to crawl all the way to the mosque for the sake of 'ilm, I gladly would. All this, all this for the sake of Allah daddy. For the sake of Allah.

I can manage daddy. Allah will protect me, so don't you worry. I am under His care, I know I am. But I just need your trust. Put your trust in Allah for He will protect me. Believe me daddy, I will be okay. Sorry for being such a burden. I am really sorry for because of me, you fought with mummy. I hate to see this happen daddy, I hate to see this happen. I cry so bad at night, hoping that a miracle will just happen overnight. Then, both you and mummy, wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. I know work is giving you a lot of stress. But just hang on for a little bit more daddy. If I live long enough, let me finish my diploma & get a degree first. Then I'll start working, and you can retire. I will support this family from then on. I promise I will. Hang on daddy, hang on. You are a responsible father daddy. I can never find another one, who is as lovely & as responsible as you are.

Dear mummy, please don't fight with daddy anymore. I already feel bad enough, for making you worried about my condition. You are an amazing mum. Did you know that? I am sorry mummy, I am sorry for hurting you. Please talk to daddy soon, please do.

Dear mum and dad, I love you for the sake of Allah. I am sorry. I have hurt you too much with my stupidity and insolence. I am a bad child. There's never an ending to my accidents. I'll promise to be more careful next time. But mum, dad. Should I die tomorrow, or if Idon't live long enough to see you through your old days, please know that I love you. I've caused so much trouble to you and I really feel terrible for that. I can't stop this tears from falling & I am sorry for everything.

I'm sorry mum.
I'm sorry dad.
I'm sorry little sister.

I'm sorry for being a burden to this family. I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry.

O Allah, sometimes I wish that You would just take me away from this world, so that I don't have to be a burden to people anymore. I just have one thing to ask from you O Allah. I beg You, with all my heart, please oh please bring back the joy to this family. Let me suffer in the silence. I don't want my family to worry. Please grant the patience to my mum O Lord. Please give my daddy the strength to pull this through Ya Rabb. Make my parents happy again O Allah, I want to see them smiling again... )':