Is Dating Allowed In Islam?

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful
Assalamualaikum

Title: Is Dating Allowed In Islam?

" Is dating allowed in Islam? But if we never date, then how to know which guy is the right one for us? Is match making the only proper rightful way for us to get married? " 

- A sister asked me.
Good question, I thought to myself. Now, how in the world am I going to answer this sister? Let's just try answering this, and we'll see how it goes.

First, there are two types of love that will not cause you sadness:
Love Lillahi(for Allah), and Fillahi(for the sake of Allah).

As to whether we are allowed to date or not, I can't really give you a definite answer right now because I am not too sure about that either. But I do have heard of some ustaz saying that dating is haram because it comes under the 'benda-benda yang tak berfaedah' category. And Islam, doesn't encourage that.

In my own point of view, I wouldn't go on a date. Be it a double date, a triple date, or whatever; going out on a date is a definite no-no for me. And here's why. Let me give you a scenario:

Let's say I'm going out on a lunch date with a guy at a fastfood restaurant. Obviously, we would have to sit at the table for 2 corner right? So the guy is going to be seated at one end of the table while I will be seated on the other. Now, we're directly facing each other and my eyes are facing his eyes already.

What am I doing? Didn't the Prophet PBUH tell us that we should constantly lower our gaze? We may look at them, only when it is necessary. Isn't this already an act that is done purpose already? So I personally think, that this is not permissible.

As educated ladies, logically, we would to get to know our future husband well enough first, before we would want to tie the knot. We are so afraid that the guy whom we will be marrying, turns out to be a monster. So we insisted on the idea of going out on a date. Sure, some people may say:

" We go out for a date, but we don't hold hands. "

" We go out for a date, but we don't go to quiet areas. "

" We go out for a date, but we don't do haram things. "

" So isn't that okay? "

But at the end of the day, we fail to realise the concept of: I-can't-take-him-off-my-mind kind of thing. You get what I mean? It's like the more we see him, the more we would think of him. And the more we think of him, the lesser we think about Allah. In the end, semakin kuranglah berkat dalam percintaan itu. So then, having said all that, how to be certain that he is definitely the one for you?

Tawakal, tawakal and tawakal. Tawakal to Allah, leave it to Him for He has promised us in the Quran that the woman of good, are for the man of good. Second, perhaps you might want to look at how his relationsip with Allah is like. This sounds insane right? But honestly, if we were to really put our faith and trust in him totally, insyaAllah sis. You'll get a man who will guide you to jannah, bidznillah.

On a personal note though, I personally feel that love after marriage has got to be the most sweetest and romantic way of loving one another. But in a case that you get a good-for-nothing husband, then you have to be patient. It's not gonna be easy, but we gotta remember that the reward of patience is abundance!

Everything good comes from Him and all that is bad comes from ourselves because we tend to make the wrong choices don't we? In the past, I too had such a thinking. How on earth is it ever possible for a woman to marry a guy whom they have never dated before? As I learned more about Islam, I finally found the answer. It is through deep trust, between Allah and I. Remember the 3B's: Berserah, Berdoa, Bertawakal.

Some of my friends thought that I'm being a little too extreme when it comes to the matter of the heart. But hey, on the bigger picture, I am taking no risks whatsoever, whenever it comes to the matter of the hereafter. Perhaps you might want to ask someone who is more 'alim in this, like an ustaz or something. Because you see, with the eeny tiny limited level of knowledge that I have in me currently, this is the least that I could do, to provide you with an answer. Hope this helps though!

O you who believe! Do not follow the footsteps of Syaitan and whoever follows the footsteps of the Syaitan, then surely he bids the doing of indecency and evil; and were it not for Allah's grace upon you and His mercy, not one of you would have ever been pure, but Allah purifies whom He please; and Allah is Hearing, Knowing. [ Surah An-Nur, Ayat 21 ]