Muhasabah

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

Assalamualaikum

Title: Muhasabah.

" Remember. Whenever your heart is filled with sorrow, or when you feel like your heart have just been stabbed with a knife, here's what you should do. Do your zikirs. Which would you prefer? Lying on your bed and then stare at the blank ceilings and let your imaginations run wild, or would you rather that you sit on your prayer mat, with your tasbih in hand and do the zikirs? Seek Him, and praise Him. Then, your heart will be stregthened with love once again. InsyaAllah. "

My bead of tears streamed down ferociously, as I held on tightly to my tasbih. O Allah. I miss You, I really do. Embrace me, and give me solace, peace and tranquility. This heart You gave me is only so small and I can't seem to fill it with love for people or the world. There is rejection and fear everywhere. I can't balance ukhrawi and duniawi well.

I am almost, on the verge of giving up. But I am still trying my very best, to hold on tightly to my faith. I am trying as hard as I can, to not let this faith go away. It's like I am slowly drowning into the big blue sea. That is how hard, that is just how hard I am trying to keep this level of eeman to go high and steady...