Embracing Adulthood

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful
Peace be upon you

Title: Embracing Adulthood

It has been 4.5 years since I last published an entry, into this space. A lot has happened, since then. I have changed, I am not the same person I was before. My passion and interest has changed, my vision in life has changed, the way I view the world has changed, the way I interact with the people around me has changed. Almost everything intrinsic about me, has changed. 

Previously, I was young and naive. I had a very limited understanding about the world. I couldn't quite comprehend the full meaning of life, and what it will entail. 

Nobody prepared me for this - a heartbreak, a failed career, a failed attempt at trying to lose weight, the quarter life crisis, the burnt-out from having to constantly care for the mental well-being of a loved one, and more. 

When I was 18 years old, I thought I understood what it meant to be an adult. I had a lot of ideas about what my life will be like in the next 5 to 10 years. I thought I would have my life figured out by then, IF i made the proper planning at 18.

So, I came up with a 5 year plan, mapping out every single detail of my life (what I want to achieve, how to achieve my goals, at what age to marry, the type of guy I will marry, the countries I will travel, the total amount of money I would have saved in my bank account etc). 

It was like the perfect life plan. But now I am telling you, my life did not turn out the way I had wanted it to be, at all. 

I never thought, 

I would quit teaching (both in early childhood, and in special education).

I never thought, 

I would make a career switch and go into the field of social work. 

I never thought,

my family and I would have to move houses again. 

I never thought, 

I'd end up here today,

25, a part-time undergrad and unemployed. 

There are a ton of unpleasant and unexpected discoveries that comes with adulthood. And the most powerful life lesson, often comes the hard way. Looking back, there are some things I wished I had not done. 

I grieve for the paths I did not take. Opportunities do not come knocking on your door twice, I learnt it the hard way - that this statement is indeed true. I went through an entire cycle of frust and despair, but I think I have finally reached the stage of acceptance - that some things, are just not meant to be. 

I have came to accept that every single one of my life experiences has been decreed. I find comfort in knowing that surely, there is a blessing in disguise. 

I don't know what lies ahead of me, 

but I hope to be a better version of myself, with each passing day. 

Adulting is tough,
but let's take it one day at a time.

The soul still seeking for peace,
Suhaidah Amran