Assalamualaikum
I have 1001 things on my plate.
3/4 of which; revolves around issues relating to internship.
I feel like it is THE biggest hurdle I have to overcome in life, right now.
I do not know why, but of late,
I feel that my intellectual ability has hit ground zero.
I used to be able to think quick.
I used to be creative.
I used to lead.
And when I lead, I lead well.
How else would I have secured all those big leadership positions throughout my primary/secondary school years? Chairing the position of a Vice-President of the Student's Council in secondary school,
representing Singapore as a youth delegate at an exchange program with NYC at 18 years old etc, are accomplishments that I feel proud of.
Ahah.
Qualifications, accomplishments, school grades, = life?
I am exhausted, in trying to prove to my lecturers and peers,
that I am academically worthy.
School, isn't all about getting the 'As', and attaining good GPAs.
I used to compare myself against the top scorers, wishing I could at least hit a 3.8.
& so I diligently chased after good grades and now, I am tired.
I grew up believing that with good education, comes great success.
While I do not deny the importance of education, I question how we define a person a 'educated', and how we measure 'success'.
My perspective on life, has shifted to a new paradigm I believe.
My life is worth so much more than the grades I get for in exams.
But then I was told; the grades you get, will determine the life you live.
While some may dream of driving fancy cards, and securing a job with high pay,
I dream of a simple life.
Because really,
what if I just want to have a simple life?
Gosh I am so naive.
I may ditch teaching completely, to venture on odd jobs that would humble me. Like maybe do the garbageman job, be a cook at the hawker, sell ice-cream on a tricycle at ECP, (because I don't know how to bi-cycle)...just to have a feel of what it is like, to be out of my comfort zone for a bit.
Bottomline: I do not want to want to work for people, because I do not owe anyone a living. Big bosses be thinking they call the shots, because they are THE boss. Office politics and the sort; gosh what a world. I want to be working with people, because it makes me feel more human.
I crave for a strong connection with the people I love. (Read: family). Live far from city life, and be closer to nature. I hope I do not sound like a secluded monk here lol, because in spite of these all, I am still, a part of the world.
This path I take, will definitely not reflect 'success', the way our society has perceived it to be. I begin to finally comprehend why, we have been told to live in this world, as though you were a stranger (ghurabaa). I will stop chasing for perfection in this life, because it was never meant to be perfect. It would seem silly if I strive hard to make it be.
If life was perfect, then would there be a need for the next? Doncha gedittt.
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