Where's the rainbow?

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

Assalamualaikum

Title: Where's the rainbow?

" If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain. " - Dolly Porton

Today's not a very good day for me. I get irritated at the slightest bit of things. I've got 3 sets of powerpoint slides to be done & they have to be completed by today. Guess I won't be getting any sleep tonight. I can't believe that school assignments could give me this much amount of stress that its affecting my emotional well-being badly. Stress, stress, stress and more stress. I spent much of my day today staring into space, frowning, and worrying about so many things.

During S&W yesterday, one of my close friends broke down into tears because she couldn't cope with the workload. ECH may seem like a fun, and exciting course to be in. But wow, the assignments are really tedious. I can cope with individual assignments, definitely. But it is often the group work that drives me mad. At times I wonder. If only I had appealed for a place in Social Science at NYP, will the course structure be just as stressful as it is now? Nah, maybe it'll still be just the same. & if I was in a science course, the stress will probably be just twice as bad.

Ever since I was in secondary school, whenever it comes to group work, I'll often get the role of a leader. It gets a little tiring for me at times because I always have to be the one initiating the dates for the meet-up, delegating tasks to fellow team members, deciding when to do what, etc. This is a heavy responsibility on me. Everyone's grade is dependent on how well the group leader leads. The way I see it, it's like I'm held accountable for my team member's grade. How well we score for our project, will reflect on my ability to lead; it will determine how good or bad, my leadership skills are. & if something goes wrong, will I get the blame?

But then again, no man's an island on its own; so how can I ever handle this alone? It's like, I've got this word leader printed largely in caps, right on my forehead. Perhaps they see me as someone responsible, someone whom they can rely on. But sometimes, I feel that I am just not competent enough. Maybe, the whole problem lies in me. My sucky time-management skills, my habit of procrastination etc, is what that is causing me all these unnecessary stress. Sigh, all of these badbad habits, have got to stop. Wake up Susuuuuuuuuuuuuu, wake up!

So after Asar today, I spent some time alone with my Lord, on my prayer mat. For the whole one hour, I poured my entire heart out to Him. & then I remembered Ustaz Azhari's instant technique to help find answers to the doubts in your heart. So I took out my Tafseer Al-Quran book, did my niyyah, and with a Bismillah, I randomly turned to a page of the Tafseer. I arrived at Surah Ibrahim.

Surah Ibrahim, ayat 11:
...dan hanya kepada Allah sahaja hendaknya orang yang beriman bertawakal. [ in Malay ]
...and upon Allah alone should the believers put their trust in, and rely on. [ in English  ]

Surah Ibrahim, ayat 12:
...dan hanya kepada Allah sahaja orang yang bertawakal berserah diri. [ in Malay ]
...and let the believers put their trust in Allah alone. [ in English ]

These 2 ayats, has helped to tone down my stress by a bit alhamdulilah. Then came this ayat:

Surah Ibrahim, ayat 22:
Dan setan berkata ketika hisab telah diselesaikan, "Sesungguhnya Allah telah menjanjikan kepadamu janji yang benar, dan aku pun telah menjanjikan kepadamu, tetapi aku menyalahi. Tidak ada kekuasaan bagiku terhadapmu, melainkan sekadar aku menyeru kamu lalu kamu mematuhi seruanku. Oleh itu, janganlah kamu mencerca aku, tetapi cercalah dirimu sendiri. Aku tidak dapat menolongmu, dan kamu pun tidak dapat menolongku.  .... [ in Malay ]

And the syaitans would say after the hisab has been done that, "Verily Allah has had given you a promise that was true. & everything I had promised to you, was all that of a false one. I had no authority over you. But when I called upon you, you responded to me. Now, don't put the blame on me. Put the blame on yourselves. I can't help you, and you can't help me either. ... [in English]

This ayat in particular, means that I should stop the habit of procrastination immediately. Procrastination could probably be a means for the syaitans to distract me from putting my 100% focus and attention to my studies. True, they have no rights upon me, but yet, I let myself fall at the slightest bit of their whisperings. Astaghfirullah.

Okay Susu, this is it. You have to buck up. Get up, and run again. Even if it means for you to crawl on your knees to reach the finishing line, you're gonna do just that. Stop dreaming of becoming successful, if you're gonna keep complaining and whining about how stressed you are with your assignments and workload. You need to go through hardship, before success could be of within your reach. No more waiting, no more procrastinating, no more of all that. You're gonna run, and run, and run until you've achieved what you want. No pain, no gain. We'll fight this together Susu, we will.