Next Stop?

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

Assalamualaikum

Title: Next Stop?

Looking back at the picture above, it brought me back to the time when I was having Pergas Orientation at Masjid Sultan, early this year. Or was it late last year? I couldn't quite remember, but I certainly enjoyed the orientation very much! And that's my team over there; Team Zainab for the win!And just like that, half of 2011, is already gone. SPIe's gonna end soon, and I wonder if I could even at least manage a pass for the final exams. My parents have invested so much in this and I know that I just could not afford, to let them down. Ooh, pressure's on the rise!

It's a tough life out there. Now at seventeen, I don't really have to think much about money. I don't have to bother about my pocket money, the house bills, or worry about what I am going to have for  dinner everyday. Reason for that? Because I am still living under the care of my parents. So my responsibilities for now, would be to study, study and study.

Had a serious talk with mum a few days back. It was with regards to my future. Upon the completion of Pergas' Sijil Pengajian Islam by end of December this year insyaAllah, am I going to continue with Sijil Lanjutan Pengajian Islam at the same institution? And then where do I intend to go after that? Take a Pre-Diploma course in Islamic Education and then pursue a Diploma in Islamic Education? By then, how old will I be?

And then as for my secular education, upon getting a diploma in Early Childhood, where do I intend to go next? Pursue a Bachelor of Science in Early Childhood? Mum's harbouring thoughts about sending me off to Universiti Islam Antarabangsa; Malaysia (UIA) to do Social Science, so that when I get back to Singapore, I could work with some really big-time religious organisations here, dealing with Social Work. Because, Social Science was something that I've really wanted to do.

How much money would my parents have invested in me? A few thousands perhaps?

My parents, they....they have been investing a lot in me. But I think I've let them down. A lot. And I sometimes feel that I am sucha useless good-for-nothing daughter. The time for me to repay back my parent's deeds, will come one day. & I really fear that day.

Say, what if I haven't got myself a suitable job and I don't earn enough and I can't afford to pay my parents medical bills? Say, what if God has it that I will die even before I could get the opportunity to repay back their deeds? Who is going to take care of them? Who is going to look after their well-being?

Sometimes, I wish that I wouldn't have to grow up. Thinking about the future, can be really scary at times. Oh well, but ultimately, as humans, we can only plan, but He determines the outcome of every decree...