[Part 1:] The Hijab & I

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

Assalamualaikum

Title: [Part 1:] The Hijab & I

This post, is going to be a really long one and it will be divided into two parts, mainly part 1 and part 2. I will be sharing with you about my first encounters with the Hijab in part 1 and then I will talk about my journey towards faith in part 2. This might take some time to read though. Back then, I was such an idiot. I was a fool. But I regret my actions now. I really do. Want to know why? Read on and you'll soon find what a terrible monster I was back then.

The hijab; it is more than just a piece of cloth. It represents modesty, unity, and it represents what every single Muslim woman around the world has got to say. I can't believe that I'm saying this because exactly three years ago, somewhere back in 2008 when I was only fourteen, I was an anti-hijab. The hijab & I; we were never friends to begin with.

Although I knew that putting on the hijab was made compulsory for all Muslim woman to put on; I choose to remain defiant. I wanted to show to the world, what a beautiful set of hair I've got. Life for me back then, was all about dunia, dunia, and dunia. It was never about akhirat. Sad isn't it?

& then one day, when my little sister got home from school(then, she was only 12) she made an announcement. An announcement that brought much surprise to our family. This was what she said & I remember them vividly, up to this day:

"Ibu, ibu. Adik rasekan, adik nak pakai tudunglah. Tadi kan time mother tongue, cikgu adik tak datang. So ade relief teacher masuk. Habis tu, relief teacher tu cakap pasal hukum-hukum orang perumpuan yang tak pakai tudung. Seram tau. Jadi adik rase, adik dah nak start pakai tudung macam ibu jugaklah."

My jaws dropped. Like seriously?! I mean, she was like only 12 years old. And me being 14 back then, I should be the one guiding her towards the right path and all. Ironic isn't it?

My parents were of course supportive of her. And they even suggested that, perhaps it is indeed time for me to put on the hijab as well. I got very frustrated and was appalled at their request because there was no way am I going to hide my beautiful set of hair, behind a pathetic piece of cloth! It was a complete no-no. My parents eventually gave up and decided to give me more time, before I could finally accept the idea of putting on the hijab.

And so eversince then, whenever we go out for a family outing, my sister would leave the house with the hijab, beautifully wrapped around her head. It was kinda awkward for me because each time we go out as a family, other muslim passers by would glare at me, as though I was an alien from an outerspace. 

They must've found it weird because although both my mum and my sister were hijab-ed, I was the only one who wasn't. Okay well with the exception of my dad of course because he's a male. I got very pissed and it annoyed the 'toot-toot-train' outta me.

& then I thought to myself: "All these glarings, have got to come to an end for I can stand it no more!" The only way to stop that, would be for me to go hijab-ed as well. It was a tough decision. I gotta admit that. And so several months after that, I started to put on the hijab.

My parents were of course the most happiest people on earth to finally see me wearing the hijab. But at that point of time, despite being hijab-ed, the whole purpose of me putting on the hijab, was not because of Allah. It was more of to get rid of all the annoying glarings from passers by.

Unfortunately though, the glarings did not stop. It grew. Friends and relatives thought that I looked pretty with the Hijab. And so, my head got a little bit bigger and I decided that perhaps, the hijab have indeed made me look even more prettier than before. At this point of time, the whole purpose of me putting on the hijab changed again. This time, I wore the hijab because I knew it made me look prettier. I mean, at fourteen years of age, it is every girl's dream to look pretty. Evil aren't I?

Several months passed. Okay so I was hijab-ed, but nothing about me changed. The inner part of me I mean. I felt empty inside. Really really empty, and I didn't know why or what that had caused the emptiness in me. I was still the same old Nurul Suhaidah; the girl who knew nothing about Islam. Okay, don't get me wrong. I do have a little bit of basic about Islam like performing the solat, knowing what's halal and what's haram, and reading the Quran etc. But besides that?

You may have heard of this phrase: "Islam is not just about ibadah. It is a way of life". & I'm talking about, putting Islam into practise. The problem I had back then was that I had no idea how to inculcate Islamic values into my life. I was LOST.

So what caused me to eventually change my whole purpose of putting on the Hijab, solely and purely for the sake of Allah? I'll elaborate more about that in Part 2. & oh but I am still working on Part 2 actually. Sorry!

"O prophet, tell your wives & your daughters, & the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close around them. That will be better, so that they may be recognised & not annoyed. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful." [Quran: 33:59]