Assalamualaikum
Title: Abstaining From BGR.
NOTE: This was posted back in October 17, 2006. And I thought of sharing it here on my blog, to serve as a reminder to self, and to all those who bother to read. Oh, and no, I didn't write this article. The credit should go to the blogger of this website: http://www.rilekonecorner.blogspot.com/
Dear Sisters in Islam..
Your sincerity to practice Islam as a way of life is admirable. Still, it's not enough. You practice Islam to how you understand it, the way you perceive it is. But that's not the way it should be.
Is there such thing as a strict and less-strict Islam? There's only one type of Islam, one which is based on al-Quran and as-Sunnah.
Alhamdulillah, you uphold the pillars of Islam well. But you don't wear the hijab the way it should be worn. You say that type of coverage is too strict. The way you dress with 'tudungs', t-shirt and tight jeans/pants don't really cover your 'aurah'. Even 'baju kurungs' which don't meet the standard requirements.
You get involved in many relationships which only lead to hurt and despair. You've tried again and again to find "true love". Your boyfriends don't really practice Islam well as you do. But you keep advising hoping he'll change. You try your best to practice restraint by not accepting any sexual advances from your boyfriend reminding him its not allowed in Islam.
That's great, really.
But still, intimate pre-marital relationships itself is not allowed in Islam. When discussed, you say that's too strict. Would there be such sexual advances if you're not in those relationships? Which hadith or verse from al-Quran says that BGR is allowed before marraige?
Of course it's not easy to change. It's something you've been used to all your life, growing up in an environment where such practices are common.
When you look around, most of your friends are doing the same thing. You truly enjoy thier company and have known them for years. Why would you want to risk that happiness by being someone different exercising Islam "more strictly"?
It's not that you're not sincere in trying to practice Islam. You are. But do you know that you're going against His rules just to have that kind of temporary happiness?
Haven't we been assured of happiness greater than that?
Allah Almighty says:
{Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed.} (An-Nur: 30-31)
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